Part of me wishes that I had become an engineer.
Sure I'm as much use at maths, physics, and such as a collection of stones but the world is lacking my vision. People are too caught up on petty, trivial things like clean renewable energy or things that will help curb global warming. The latter of which can, in my view, be curtailed by making sure Jeremy Kyle can no longer communicate through the medium of speech, that should stop a few tonnes of carbon getting into the atmosphere right there!
If I had the ability and the resources I assure you I would devote my life and all available funding to the construction of a "Hamster Cannon".
Now I know what you're thinking, "Using hamsters as ammunition is cruel!". Well get your head out of your arse hippy because the Kaiser AND Comrade Red are waiting to take away the benefits of sweet lady Green (that one means money)! Besides the hamsters wouldn't be the ammuntion, oh no, the gun would be MADE from them.
Now I know what you're thinking, "Killing hamsters and making a cannon out of them is just as cruel! Maybe even moreso!". God damn it would you shut up and let me finish!? The hamsters would be very much alive. Think about it. The enemy looks up as our troops invade and are greeted to this writhing, squeeking mass. Their jaws hanging open, their knees trembling in fear, praying to whichever deity they worship.
Of course they would eventually have adequate defences for an onslaught of hamsters, incorrectly assuming, as you did, that it is the primary source of ammunition. Though it would be too late before they learned the truth. In reality it shoots GERBILS. The higher calibre of rodent.
The carnage would be unholy. The devestation unimaginable. The taste of victory so sweet.
Now I know what you're thinking, "Using hamsters as ammunition is cruel!". And it is. However I don't give a flying fuck about gerbils and anyone who does is a communist. FACT.
Perhaps that it is best I stayed well clear of the engineering career path. My rodent-based weaponry could ruin so many lives...Destroy so much. Plus getting that many hamsters and gerbils would be a pain in the arse, also I hear they aren't as structurally sound as things like metal.
But where's the vision in metal?
© Copyright Stuart Skelding.