What do you call Jesus when he's covered in ants?
The "anty" Christ!
Did you hear about the guy who parted the icebergs?
What do you call a Vietnamese person who isn't making sense?
(Appologies for the racism, I'm a sucker for puns...)
Did you hear about the lumberjack that was having trouble at work?
He just couldn't hack it...
Why is energy Catholic?
Becuase it has mass.
Did you hear about the guy that always goes to raves with seals?
He loves seal clubbing.
Have you heard about the vegetable that was really nice?
It was a sweet potato.
What keeps gravy from flying away?
What did the man in Tiananmen Square say?
"Tanks for the memories!"
Did you hear about the dyslexic union leader?
He wanted the workers to untie.
What did the suicidal picture frame do?
It hung itself.
Did you hear about the depressed footwear?
It was shoeicidal.
There was a storm that always wanted to be praised.
It was a hail storm.
Did you hear about the sugar that was in a rush?
It was a hurricane.
There was a vegetable that was always late to be on herbs.
I had to tell it to turnip on thyme.
What's the difference between John Higgins and a gun that shoots fire?
John Higgins is a FRAME thrower.
What do you call it when metals have sex?
What do you call two Rabbis singing?
What do you call a man that cuts down trees?
A tree fella.
What happens when you hit a pig?
It takes hamage.
What do pigs load their guns with?
Why did the nurse buy an expensive car after delivering babies?
She had a midwife crisis.
Did you hear about the lazy cow?
It had no mootivation.
Where did the two bees stay at the weekend?
In a B&B.
What do you call a chicken that builds bridges?
What kind of bee is good with computers?
What happens when a witch eats dynamite?
How do vegetables tell the future?
They use carrot cards.
Do you know what a pig's favourite band is?
Have you heard about the president that made a living cleaning weights?
I cooked Chinese food while naked the other day.
I made nudles.
Did you hear about the retarded rabbit?
It had Watership Down's syndrome.
I hate antelopes.
They should get married properly.
A cat went on trial a few days ago.
It was accused of purrjury and purrverting the course of justice.
Hear about the maggots that were messing around while eating a corpse?
They were having a right carrion.
© Copyright Stuart Skelding.